There’s No I In Team

His heart pounded under the saddle.

We did this so many times, we’ve got this I reassured myself, in hopes of achieving what we both desired

As we bared left, I could feel his muscles transform as they began to remember the sequence and become more independent. Loosening the reins I intrusted the entirety of our performance in him. I know he knows what to do. My legs tensed as I felt my body move out of alignment, and my heart began to beat through my fingertips.

Did they see that? Did I just cost us a point?

Sweat beads began to form across my forehead as guilt engulfed my body, wrapping me in its own cocoon and suffocating me to the brink of tears, I could feel his heart pound harder and heavier as he poured his soul into each gesture.

I’ve ruined this for him… I’ve ruined this for us.

Swerving left we changed gait into a box trot and I felt my body begin to bounce in sync to his movements. My breath was hitched as we passed the judges. The temptation was too great. I needed to know. My eyes received a mind of their own and slowly began to raise to meet theirs. The mist of disapproval and failure swam and sank deep within their faces. Every bone in my body shifted as I felt all hopes, all dreams and reassurance melt away, as if they were never there. Throbbing I started to form tiny little rivers down my cheeks.

I failed us.

The guilt suffocated me and blinded my sight to see the truth. I could feel his movements slow down, as if he could sense we already failed. His heart… no longer pounded through the saddle. There was no determination left. It sank into the depths of his soul, as failure swarmed his body. Our movements became less configured and we pushed on to get it done, but I knew he had accepted his fate.

I’m sorry

I’m so sorry…

I wept, as the tiny rivers began to form large lakes, which flooded my face. Chunky let out a puff of air, as we galloped to the centre of the arena. He let out a sigh of failure, as if he realised how unnecessary the aching muscles, determination and hours of practice were as meaningless as a fallen leaf. We turned into a sitting trot before we came to a complete halt. Again, I was greeted with the same painted faces of disapproval and un-satisfaction. A pit of nothingness formed within me and my fingers began to tremble along with my lips. Until I noticed the transformation of their faces form the entity of amazement itself. Their bodies rose and the palms of their hands repeatedly clashed together creating an orchestra of sounds within the arena. Yet again the same feeling of hope filled my heart.

“That was amazing” She chimed. I could feel Chunky shift under the saddle as his head flew up in shock. I felt the success pass through the both of us as my lips formed a perfect smile that gleamed within the arena.

I did it?

No.

We did it.

And I bent down to give him a small tap on his shoulder, helping him understand his job well done. Leaning over to his ears I whispered the words my heart wanted to sing. “Thank you Chunky, this was all you”. It was as if he understood and he neighed in response. silently I smiled welcoming the feeling of success.

We did it.

We actually did it.